


Between what we are and what we aren't

by The_Ghost_King



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 18:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9083512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Ghost_King/pseuds/The_Ghost_King
Summary: He was perfect. But he wasn’t.Of course he wasn’t. Bokuto Koutaro hated the expectations , hated how being one of the top five high school aces in Japan wasn’t enough, he hated how his grades were high but never high enough. It was not enough.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've finally decided to post this and I'm still not completely satisfied with it but I have no clue on what to change so.  
> Please Enjoy .
> 
> (English is not my native language so sorry for anything wrong with grammar, spelling or expressions.)

He was perfect. But he wasn’t.  
Of course he wasn’t. Bokuto Koutaro hated the expectations , hated how being one of the top five high school aces in Japan wasn’t enough, he hated how his grades were high but never high enough. It was not enough.  
He’d never get to the point where he could look his parents in the eyes and see their pride to have him as their child reflected in them. It would never happen because he had found something that would break their already shattered bond and burn it to ashes.  
Bokuto Koutaro had a crush. A crush on his best friend. A crush on his setter. A crush on Akaashi Keiji. He loved how the second year said “Bokuto-san” he loved those turquoise eyes that swept the ground from under his feet like a riptide. He loved Akaashi’s small smiles and how Akaashi Keiji was perfect and Bokuto Koutaro just wasn’t. He loved how silently intense Akaashi was, how no one ever expected him to be funny, witty, cunning or even a relatively good person and how he kept on surprising everyone with his personality. Bokuto loved how Akaashi was vibrant but only to those who bothered to take the time to notice.  
If anyone ever found out about his secret though, everything would go straight to Hell.

He wasn’t breath-taking. But he was.   
That was what Akaashi Keiji though about his captain, about his senpai, about his ace, about his, solely and utterly his, his Bokuto Koutaro. Bokuto Koutaro who didn’t realise how beautiful he was. Bokuto Koutaro who didn’t know how smart he actually was. Bokuto Koutaro who seemed loud and bright and carefree like the sun but once you really got to know him he was more like the moon. Reflecting sunlight to seem just as bright. Never fully whole except for those little moments, sometimes completely gone. No one seemed to have noticed though. No one except Keiji. He wished others would notice too since he didn’t know what to do with his clearly broken ace. It seemed so obvious to him but everyone else seemed to be completely oblivious. He had asked once, after experiencing Bokuto’s dejected mode for the first time but everyone brushed it off. Saying it was: ‘just how Bokuto was’. Keiji had almost believed that he was indeed just imagining things but then that day came along and it confirmed all of his suspicions. It left a part of him in pieces but it mended a whole lot of others.

It had been a gloomy day, that day. Keiji could remember in vivid detail how the rain had been heavy but so dense that it was like looking through thick fog. Bokuto had been acting weird during afternoon practice. He’d spiked the balls alright but he had seemed lacklustre. He missed the usual gleam in his eyes he always had after spiking one of Keiji’s tosses. He didn’t ask if Keiji had seen his performance and he didn’t ask Keiji to stay after practice to send some extra tosses his way. He sped out of the gym immediately after helping with cleaning. It left Keiji with a knot in his stomach. Keiji went home like nothing had happened and like he wasn’t worried to death. He went to bed early that night wishing that Bokuto would be okay again when he woke up.  
He couldn’t have been more wrong.

Bokuto was writing an essay and it wasn’t good enough. He didn’t know enough, he didn’t explain well enough. He was going to fail and his parents would be disappointed again.  
Both of them came up to his room around midnight and he could feel their disappointment when they saw that he was still writing the same essay. How could he possibly tell them that it wasn’t perfect enough? That something was missing?   
They left him alone but he could hear their silent whispers. He could feel their judgement wrap around him and he lost it. All he could do was scramble to put some proper pants on, scramble to get his keys, scramble for his phone and shoes, scramble to the front door. Scramble to get out, out, out. Scramble to get his phone. Scramble to call the only person who would know how to calm him down.  
He kept on calling Akaashi Keiji’s number as he stumbled through the streets on his way to Akaashi’s house. He couldn’t remember when the rain had started again.

The vibrations of his phone woke Akaashi up. He was groggy and grumpy, wondering who would call him at one in the morning.  
It all disappeared into thin air when he saw who it was calling him. It was Bokuto and Akaashi had put the phone to his ear before he even fully realised who exactly it was calling him.  
Bokuto was gasping and crying as he whispered to Akaashi through the phone.  
Akaashi practically dashed downstairs when he heard that Bokuto was in front of his house. He pulled the door open and saw his beautiful Bokuto Koutaro, soaked by the rain, hair sticking to his face on his knees with shaking shoulders and Akaashi immediately pulled him inside. “What happened Bokuto-san? Why are you crying?”, and Bokuto told him. He told him everything. About the expectations and the disappointment. About the worries and the sleepless nights. He told him everything and all Akaashi could do was hold him. Comfort him and all Akaashi could think was that Bokuto didn’t deserve this. So he whispered, “Bokuto-san…” slight pause and then, “Koutaro. It’s okay to be worried. You’re not a disappointment. You’re our captain, our leader, our ace. My ace. We pull you like how you pull us. You’re smart and good at studying. You’re sweet and gentle and loud. You seem like the sun even though you’re more of a moon. You’re silver instead of gold because silver is a much harder metal to find. You can make anyone feel better by just smiling at them. You give and give and never seem to take and that’s okay but I’m asking you please. Take. Stop being a giver and become a taker even if it’s only around me. Please?” Bokuto seemed to nod at that. “Let’s get you a warm bath.”  
Akaashi led Bokuto to the bathroom and woke his parents to tell them that a friend was staying over. Bokuto left a voicemail for his parents and borrowed some of Akaashi’s clothes and when Akaashi noticed that the third year couldn’t Akaashi let him crawl into his bed. They cuddled and Bokuto’s breathing became steady quickly. Akaashi ran his fingers through Bokuto’s hair and as he fell asleep all he could think about was how Bokuto Koutaro was so much and wasn’t almost as many other things. Akaashi thought about how he loved all those things about Bokuto and just before he fell asleep he whispered. “ I love you, Bokuto Koutaro.” He didn’t hear the almost inaudible whisper coming from the other occupant of the bed;

“I love you too, Akaashi Keiji.”

**Author's Note:**

> Well that ending was kinda crap. Oh well.  
> Please leave a comment to tell me what to improve or if you have any suggestions for what I could maybe write next.


End file.
